The Boy Who Lived

Ever since they saw
That scar on his forehead,
Everyone knew who he was.
And that he was weird.


A confused, pre-pubesent,
Idiot of an 11 year old,
He is famous throughout a word
He doesn't know exists.


He's sitting on a train
Which is an odd sort of
Pink colour...
Opposite some ginger-haired nerd
Who isn't very bright either...


Going to a school for
Special kids, like himself.
And what a school it is.


Year one.
His arch-nemesis,
Who gave him that scar,
Who he doesn't really
Know much about,
Tries to kill him.


And did we mention
That this nemesis happens to be
One of the darkest
And most powerful wizards
Ever?


But, Harry pulls through.
And instead of leaving Hogwarts,
Like any rational Englishman would,
He goes back.


Again, and again, and again.


Year two, the nemesis is back
With a magic diary
And a big snake.


But only after Harry crashes
A flying car into a tree with
Serious anger management problems,
Has a close encounter
With some over-sized arachnids,
Oh, and plays a lot of Quiddich.


And yet he goes back: year three.
His godfather is a wanted criminal,
Hagrid has a gryphon.
After some crazy time-travel
Shinanigans neither of them die,
And all is well.
Oh, and at one point he goes back in time
And saves his life by shooting silver stuff
Out of his wand. How wonderfully phallic.


Why isn't he dead already?
More importantly, why do funny things
Only happen to him and his friends?
None of the other hundreds of students
Are being terrorised or having attempts
Made on their lives.


Anyway, year four.
Pretty French girls,
Buff Romainian guys,
Diggory, and Harry there by accident.
Or is it that darned nemesis again?


Dragons, Mermaids, and a pretty big Maze,
Lead to the Dark Lord's second coming,
And not in a dirty sense.


Diggory dies, Harry escapes.
Harry wins, money goes to
The ginger nerd's twin trickster
Brothers.


Year five, Harry starts having dreams,
Which are in fact visions,
From that evil, dark nemesis,
And his pet snake.


Next Harry is introduced to
The Order of the Pheonix,
Which by a stroke of luck
Happens to include all of his
Favourite adult friends.


Then Harry, being Harry,
Decides to break into the Ministery.
And his friends loyally follow him...
What a suprise.


So there's a fight,
A ball gets dropped,
His godfather falls
Through a curtain,
So much for his part.


And Harry, who by this time
Is just being pig-headed,
Goes back again!

Year six, just as bad as
The first five with a little extra
Twist at the end.

Snape makes a vow to help Malfoy
Kill Dumbledore, Harry finds Snape's
Potions book which has some pretty neat spells in..
He uses one on Malfoy and blood gets all
Over the nice tiled floors.

Harry and Dumbledore
Search for fragments of Voldemort
And Dumbledore does a cool firery ring
Thing with his wand.

They hyjack some brooms and head for
Hogwarts, where hell is breaking loose.
Students are defending the attacks
Of Death Eaters and Harry's stuck in
A jynx with Dumbledore and Malfoy.
Malfoy can't kill him and suprise, suprise,
Snape does it anyway.

Harry follows but finally fails to do any damage.
At the old geezer's funeral, Harry finally
Has the thought that maybe school isn't
So cool any more.

Year seven, the monotany is finally over!
Harry & Co. are searching for a super-wand,
a super-cloak, and a dead-raising stone.
Turns out that the cloak is his,
The wand is Dumbledore's,
And the stone was in a ring
Dumbledore sliced...

Harry and Ron have a fight in the woods,
Ron runs off. Harry moves on.
Don't worry. They get together again
Later. Touching moment. Etc.

When they've finally done their thing,
Hogwarts in under attack.
Death Eaters against teachers, students,
And parents.

Harry goes into the woods and
Faces Mr. Nemesis and dies.
And then he comes back to life.
And then Mrs. Weasly uses a bad word.
Shock. Then Harry and V. face off.
Harry wins. Duh.

And they all lived happily ever after.
Oh, and Snape was good all along.
As if you really had any doubt.
Harry Potter: The Boy who lived.
Twice.